Canaan Valley, West Virginia

Person of the year

While perusing the print media last week, I was both shocked and delighted to discover that I, your humble correspondent, had been voted Time Magazine's Person of the Year. Yes, I may have been influential this year, but was I really that deserving? Ever gracious, I took the time to thank everyone that had helped me along the way, including you, dear readers. It goes without saying that I was again surprised to find out that I had to share the award with all you plebes out there in the greater internet community. And here I was expecting a trophy and one of those big checks.

Yes, Time's Person of the Year award is once again a huge cop-out. Apparantly its editors have decided that we all need a self-esteem boost (everyone's a winner!) instead of a thoughtful debate as to who was the most influential person of 2006. No worry though, The Recipe is once again here to clean up the mess made by the established media. And thus, I introduce to you the candidates for The Recipe's Person of 2006 award.

In the interests of provoking a lively debate in the blogosphere, I've decided to remain faithful to the original criteria of Time's award. The primary question is: Who has had the biggest effect on this year's news? Remember that this is not a humanitarian award, nor is it a popularity contest (sorry, Rudy Giuliani). I've also made an effort to select a variety of candidates, both American and foreign, political and cultural, so as to defend myself from past criticisms that the award is too politically biased and American centered.

You are welcome to submit your own candidates. I will consider them at my leisure. I will announce the winner when I get around to writing a new post.

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad - Time may have given him second place, but is he number one in our eyes? From continuing to stick his proverbial middle finger at the US vis-a-vis uranium enrichment to the "Kartoon Kontroversy" to sponsoring a conference on Holocaust denial, the Iranian President never failed to leave the spotlight. Will he be back in '07? Almost certainly.

Jack Abramoff & Mark Foley - Jacko spent the year passing out bribes and Mark spent it jacking off to congressional pages. With this tenacious duo, who can blame GOP supporters from staying away from the polls? Dubya may have lied to the public, wiretapped the public, done nothing to stop the violence on the (Iraqi) public, but apparantly all the Dems needed to win control of Congress was a golf trip to Ireland and a few inappropriate text messages. Who knew?

Anna Politkovskaya - This Russian journalist made a name for herself by sharply criticizing Kremlin policy and the war in Chechnya, and was brutally murdered in her Moscow apartment building this past October. Her murderer and the reasons behind the killing are still unclear, though fingers have been pointed at the Kremlin as well as pro-Kremlin forces in Chechnya. Alexander Litvinenko, former KGB agent, accused Vladimir Putin of ordering her assasination, before being poisoned himself last month. Her life was a reminder of the importance of journalistic freedom, while her death highlights the brutality and lawlessness that exists in post-Soviet Russia.

Duke lacrosse boys - Did they or didn't they? They may have been cleared of rape charges this month, but we might never know the truth of what happened that night, or exactly who is to blame. Still, their case highlighted the fact that class and racial tensions are still very much alive in this country.

Kevin Federline - I'm kidding. Or am I? He knocked up Brittany (twice), then launched a new album. During the subsequent tour his promoters had to give away tickets in Chicago, while the New York show sold a whopping 200 tickets. The court of public opinion has already judged him to be a first-class loser. And yet we remain entranced.

Well, there you have it. Maybe Dietsch or Cook has something to add. If not, I'll announce the winner in a week or so, when Cook announces his answer to the trivia question that he posted a few weeks back.

Mr Beerman and the blog

I haven't blogged in a while, and for the last few months my blogging has been, at the best, sporadic. Let's explore why.

New Job - I started a new job in October and it's been keeping me pretty busy. Learning a new job always takes time, and I'm still very much the office "newbie." I've been putting in the extra hours and trying to focus on work while in the office, rather than writing the mid-morning post. Is this a cop-out answer? Sort of. But couple the new job with my attempts to go to the gym more frequently, taking a night class, and my desire to maintain a strong drinking habit, and Mr Beerman has been very busy lately. Blogging has fallen to the wayside.

Dislike of looking into a computer screen for longer than I have to - Don't get me wrong, my job is interesting, but let's look at my daily activities for what they are. I stare at a computer for 7-9 hours a day, every day. When I get home, I just can't face turning on my personal computer unless it's absolutely necessary. This puts a limit on any posts written from home.

Writer's block - I've never been much of a diary-oriented blogger, you know the kind that I'm talking about. "Hey readers, its been a while, but just so you know I finally got the number of that boy/girl that I always flirt with at the office/gym/local watering hole. Do you think I should call him/her? I really want to, but I just broke up with my ex and I don't know if I'm ready." Or perhaps it's "My boss is really really mean to me at the office and I just don't know what to do. I've already written him and email and spoken to the lady in HR. What else do you think I should do? What does this say about me as a person? I think before I do anything I need to engage in more pretentious and indulgent self-analyzation about who I am and the person that I want to be." To hell with that. Unfortunately, when you try to write about subjects other than yourself, writer's block becomes an issue. I like to give the readers my two cents on politics, pop-culture, society, etc., but I just haven't had a whole lot to write about lately. I've done the Bush-bashing thing to death, Iraq just depresses me, I have little faith that a Democratic Congress can accomplish anything substantial, I haven't heard any good music lately. What to write about? Dr Cook, Dietsch, the 408ers, someone, anyone, please provide me with a subject of consequence to write about. I like to have an assignment to focus my attention on.

The scrambler rider again!

December 21

Today is the first day of winter. It's also the shortest day of the year, which, by no coincidence, makes it the worst day of the year. It's cold and dark and miserable and awful outside. I want to go to the beach and get sunburned.

But, as a Google Talk status message would have it, "after today, it will start getting lighter again." That's true, I guess, so life can't be all bad.

We are a few days from Christmas, or, for those who don't celebrate Christ's big day, a stone's throw from the "holiday break." Either way, no work is good work. I am taking a week off and heading to Wild and Wonderful West Virginia for some good ol' fashion family fun on the slopes. Unfortunately, the slopes are barren.

Timberline Ski Resort, as of this morning, only had 9 trails open, 8 0f which were greens. It looks like I will be spending a lot of time in the lodge, sipping cocoa by the open fire, rocking out the tacky holiday sweater. Hopefully there will be some impressionable married women floating around...

The Season of Giving

Mr. Lee commented this morning on his much anticipated birthday gifts. His mother sent a commuter raincoat - very lobbyist, don't you think? - and a fruit basket. Interesting gift selections, I might say, but, after all, it's the thought that counts.

In the same vein, though, I went Christmas shopping with my mom last weekend. She asked me what I wanted, and, as in years past, I said, "a surprise." To this she kindly, and quite honestly, replied, "Denis, you're of the age now when you will only receive ugly ties for Christmas."

Quite disturbing. She said it so matter-of-factly that I was left with no room for argument. It was if she said, "Son, you're old. Deal with it."

Gold, Man!

The New York Times reported yesterday that Goldman Sachs, a Wall Street investment bank, "will set aside $16.5 billion for salaries, bonuses and benefits for employees" this year. "That figure works out to an avergae of $622,000 for each employee."

The Times commented that "the bonuses at Goldman...are expected to give the New York area's economy a substantial boost, particularly in sales of high-end residential real estate, luxury cars, and other pricey goods." Pamela Liebman, the cheif executive of Corcoran Group, a residential brokerage said, "When these guys learn what their bonuses are, we are among the first people they call. They call their mothers, and then their real estate brokers."

When my bonus comes in this year, I, too, plan to contact my real estate broker. Or landlord. And tell him I can start this year's rent off on the right foot.

Friday Musings

It's Friday night at 7:12 pm.

I just ate Raisin Bran for dinner. I'm not entirely certain this box had the standard "two scoops" of raisins. Needless to say, I wasn't entirely satisfied, so I might treat myself to another bowl. I've already eaten 7 packages of Sun-Maid raisins this week. A couple of my friends accused me of having a "raisin problem." I don't really think so. They just take like delicious was meant to taste.

But enough talk of dried fruits and meals and addictions. Let's talk about life.

As I said before, it's Friday night. I am sitting on the couch, watching my dog lick my cereal bowl (I will get a clean bowl if I decide to have more Raisin Bran), and wondering how my house - fully equipped with the modern marvels of central air, mind you - can be so dang cold. I know it's cold outside, but I have windows, doors and walls to keep it just that: outside. Because I am inside. Where it should be warm. Oh well.

More importantly, though, I don't have plans. Which means I am probably stuck inside for the remainder of the evening. So stuck that I won't move from this spot on the couch unless by act of God or Jessica Simpson. I won't hold my breath.

So what should I do, team? Surely others have been in a similar position. What does the rest of the world do on frigid Friday nights when plans were not made ahead of time?

Do they blog?

Friday tomfoolery

I've had the theme song to the hit '80s sitcom Growing Pains stuck in my head for the last few days. I will now attempt to get it stuck in your head as well.

"As long as we've got each other..."

Carry on with your Friday, thank me later.

Thats right America, you voted for him...twice!

At Your Leisure

Click the second sound icon to find out why I am happy to always be right.

Fight Cubicle Boredom

Cubicle culture got you down? If so, I've got the answer.

We call it Cubicle Battleship. Here's how to play:

1. You need two or more teams, comprised of adjacent cubicle dwellers, who throw soft projectiles at their enemies in other cubicles. Emphasis on soft, people.

2. Each "hit" is worth one point. It is the responsibility of the victim to call "hit" or "miss" after each shot.

2. A demilitarized zone, or DMZ, is needed between enemies to prevent harm to dwellers or cubicle decorations. While in the DMZ, you are safe.

3. If a shot falls short of your target's cubicle, thus falling into the DMZ, you lose a point.

4. If you hit a noncombatant (that is to say, someone residing in the DMZ), you are penalized one point.

5. If your shot misses entirely, the ordinance is live, and can therefore be requisitioned by any team.

6. Once beyond the DMZ, you are an open target. This means the parking garage, stairwell, bathroom, and kitchen are all potential battle grounds. I suggest you carry a weapon.

7. Hits in front client(s) are an automatic ten point bonus. Misses are minus ten points.

8. If you catch an enemy's shot, you receive five points.

9. Assassins, mercenaries, snipers, guerrillas, and other unconventional combatants can be hired for your team, but their hits do not count. Their misfires do.

10. Although not awarded points, creativity and strategery are encouraged. So are launching devices, human shields, and outposts.

Getting drunk with co-workers: a guide to embracing alcoholism while enjoying your job

As part of our continuing series, I'd like to examine another aspect of "embracing alcoholism while enjoying your job". How do we feel about the out-of-work booze-up with one's supervisor?

Not too long ago, I found myself in this exact situation. See, I work at a place with a fair amount of 20-somethings, so inevitably you will have the relatively over-the-hill 25 and 26 year olds managing at least some of the time of us wide-eyed and eager 22 and 23 year olds. Although if three years means climbing a few more rungs up the corporate ladder, it's meaningless in the social world. I'm 23 years old and enjoy drinking, sometimes to excess. My direct supervisor is a few years older than me, and from what I hear, also enjoys drinking. Meeting up with each other at an out-of-work function was bound to happen.

I recently went to a party with a few co-workers, my supervisor included. A few drinks later, and she asked me if I found it strange or awkward hanging out with someone who, come Monday morning, would be telling me to format this or proofread that. I replied that I absolutely, positively did not give a damn. I've always considered myself to be a come-as-you-are and do-what-you-please kind of guy, and frankly, I'd find it a bit more strange if a 26-year old didn't indulge in a libation from time to time. I then asked whether it was strange for her to be drinking with someone who you were supervising. She admitted that it was a bit stranger for her. For can you really be dancing on top of a coffee table on a Thursday evening and then speaking from a position of authority on Friday morning?

Is there a point to this incessant rambling? Only that one must understand that it's ok to go out and have fun, but it should never impede on your ability to perform well at work (of course this goes without saying not only for boozing with supervisors, but also for any other activity). Sure, supervisor-supervisee distinctions may at times become blurred, but as long as you are both professionals in the office, who cares if you drink together at the bar?

A Tangled Webb

Good question, Mr. Lee.

And the answer, I'd say, is quite simple. Jim Webb was out of line.

Like you, I received all my information from the media, and I can only assume they employed some degree of artistic license when presenting "fact." But, from what I gathered, Mr. Webb undoubtedly exhibited a "patent disrespect for the presidency," not to mention a complete disregard for civility between two colleagues.

I do not expect Webb, or any legislator for that matter, to like Bush. But Webb's comments were unnecessary and counterproductive, sending "the message" that is he just as partisan as those he ushered out the door. And to make it worse, Webb sent the message that the incoming Democrats have no desire to work with the Bush administration, let alone the Republicans. If Webb can't even speak with Bush, how can they effectively govern together?

I do hope Webb is severely reprimanded for his exchange with Bush. He only had one first impression, and he sure screwed it up.