Top Five Greatest Inventions of Our Generation1. Paper Shredders –- I dare you to tell me you haven’t ever put something other than paper through the shredder. Yes, we all know they can take down a banana.
2. Yellow First Down Line –- Changed the way we see the game.
3. Flash Fryers –- Even glass shards and rusty barbed wire can be delicious for the fat-ass on the go.
4. “That’s What She Said” Jokes –- A recent university study demonstrated that 63% of casual conversation is now hilarious because of this phrase. I’d say use it sparingly, but I’d be lying (that’s what she said).
5. Plan B –- Try it with college!
Bottom Five Greatest Inventions of Our Generation1. Email Recall –- It always too late to recall the message. You screwed up, sent it to the wrong person, and there’s no going back. Dust off your resume.
2. “Emoticons” –- The worst. If you require further explanation, find a cave and leave the rest of us alone.
3. Digital Cameras –- The single most empowering invention for women since the vote. The only thing worse is multiple women, drink(s) and camera in hand, firing away at your long-term political aspirations. We’ll be the first generation of would-be politicians that have to answer to 12,932 pictures of terrible decisions.
4. Facebook Rebirths –- I don’t really know what to call this, but I’m talking about all the things you did as a child that have been reborn – revalidated? – via “the book.” Drawing, tagging, and – this one is the worst – chain letters, have all been brought back. There’s probably an e-slap bracelet out there somewhere.
5. Grassroots –- If it started as a “grassroots movement” then it’s wrong. Stop it. No we can’t.
