Happy Belated Birthday, Fidel! (And Piss Off To The Other 90%)
Since I've been on this Fidel kick lately, I completely forgot to wish the ol' bat a happy birthday on August 13th. So, to you, comrade, a tip of the hat.
And speaking of Fidel and August 13th - also known as International Left-Handers Day - I forgot to tell all my lowly right-handed readers that they are worthless. Yep, worthless. To those of you who sat on Jesus' right during the Last Supper, I say pah! To those of you who can easily write in a ledger, I say good riddance. And to the 90% of America that can safely operate "drill presses, chain saws, surgical instruments, firearms and holsters," I say shove it. I dislike every last one of you for reasons you will never understand.
Southpaws the world over are a disenfranchised, marginalized group who suffer through false subordination to their right-handed inferiors. Although we constitute well over 98.475% of this nation's intellectual capital, we cannot claim our "leftful" - haha, get it? - share. We are smarter, faster, and undoubtedly better in every way. Unfortunately, we are a minority in a democracy, and for that we suffer.
This post will, most likely, frustrate 90% of my readers who simply cannot grasp the concepts I am discussing in the most pedestrians means available. The other 10%, by no coincidence, will raise their left, clenched fist in support of my message: "Left-handers unite! Join my solidarity movement!"
All we need is a leader and then things will change. No more Dubyas in the White House. No more political corruption and corporate financial scandals. No more poverty. No more war. No more pain. Humanity will reach a pinnacle in which we no longer suffer through the once inevitable human condition. Happiness will no longer be a pursuit, but a foregone conclusion. Tranquility, my friends, will reign supreme.
And speaking of Fidel and August 13th - also known as International Left-Handers Day - I forgot to tell all my lowly right-handed readers that they are worthless. Yep, worthless. To those of you who sat on Jesus' right during the Last Supper, I say pah! To those of you who can easily write in a ledger, I say good riddance. And to the 90% of America that can safely operate "drill presses, chain saws, surgical instruments, firearms and holsters," I say shove it. I dislike every last one of you for reasons you will never understand.
Southpaws the world over are a disenfranchised, marginalized group who suffer through false subordination to their right-handed inferiors. Although we constitute well over 98.475% of this nation's intellectual capital, we cannot claim our "leftful" - haha, get it? - share. We are smarter, faster, and undoubtedly better in every way. Unfortunately, we are a minority in a democracy, and for that we suffer.
This post will, most likely, frustrate 90% of my readers who simply cannot grasp the concepts I am discussing in the most pedestrians means available. The other 10%, by no coincidence, will raise their left, clenched fist in support of my message: "Left-handers unite! Join my solidarity movement!"
All we need is a leader and then things will change. No more Dubyas in the White House. No more political corruption and corporate financial scandals. No more poverty. No more war. No more pain. Humanity will reach a pinnacle in which we no longer suffer through the once inevitable human condition. Happiness will no longer be a pursuit, but a foregone conclusion. Tranquility, my friends, will reign supreme.
posted by Dr. Cook at 5:51 AM
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