There Is No Third Way
If it's war you want, Mr. Lee, consider my new party, ARD, the Red Army to your Republican - ahem, Fascist - Blitzkrieg. We will not stand idly by and allow any "American" to defend Yuengling, Blue Moon, or - excuse me while I regurgitate- Sam Adams as if bottled, over-priced urine represents some irrevocable force that drive's the very institutions we so blindly call "democracy." No, sir, you are out of line.
I had plans to make Americans for the Rehabilitation of Democracy a party for the people, a party for the downtrodden and disenfranchised. But my basic sense of human decency does not permit me to do as such. How can those who need democracy most even consider trekking to the poles when only Yuengling awaits their (thirsty) return to home?
No, Mr. Lee, I will not "repudiate this [Mr. Beerman's] doctrine" as part of ARD's platform. I am a man of principle, a man of beliefs - I offer ARD's complete support of Mr. Beerman's statement of fact. From this day forward, ARD stands for the people's right to informed choices - choices that do not involve the selection between the lesser of two evils.
ARD is fully prepared for protracted warfare. To quote one of ARD's great intellectual benefactors, Sir Winston Churchill, "We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we all fight in the hills; we shall never surrender." ARD, offering full support to Mr. Beerman's crusade, will know nothing save victory.
True, you have "value voters," "concerned American families," and other misinformed constituencies at your back, but Ned Flanders and Reverend Lovejoy are about as dangerous as Butterstick. ARD, on the other hand, is backed by generations of those who know the difference between Good and Evil, and are willing to fight for that difference.
Consider yourself warned.
I had plans to make Americans for the Rehabilitation of Democracy a party for the people, a party for the downtrodden and disenfranchised. But my basic sense of human decency does not permit me to do as such. How can those who need democracy most even consider trekking to the poles when only Yuengling awaits their (thirsty) return to home?
No, Mr. Lee, I will not "repudiate this [Mr. Beerman's] doctrine" as part of ARD's platform. I am a man of principle, a man of beliefs - I offer ARD's complete support of Mr. Beerman's statement of fact. From this day forward, ARD stands for the people's right to informed choices - choices that do not involve the selection between the lesser of two evils.
ARD is fully prepared for protracted warfare. To quote one of ARD's great intellectual benefactors, Sir Winston Churchill, "We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we all fight in the hills; we shall never surrender." ARD, offering full support to Mr. Beerman's crusade, will know nothing save victory.
True, you have "value voters," "concerned American families," and other misinformed constituencies at your back, but Ned Flanders and Reverend Lovejoy are about as dangerous as Butterstick. ARD, on the other hand, is backed by generations of those who know the difference between Good and Evil, and are willing to fight for that difference.
Consider yourself warned.
posted by Dr. Cook at 11:13 AM
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