Response for Kobes
How lucky I am! I arrived at my desk this morning with little work to do until this afternoon, wondering how I was going to fill my time until my afternoon meetings. But lo and behold! A question from our very own resident female, Kobes!
Apologies for writing a paragraph with three exclamation points.
Ms. Kobes has solicited advice on whether it is prudent to treat one's workplace as a personal dating service. Having never been involved in an office romance myself, I must admit that I cannot speak with direct experience, yet I hope that I can still offer something of value.
The second line of your first paragraph sums up the dilemma perfectly. You are in your twenties, more or less fresh out of college, and in many cases, new to the area where you currently work. This last point is crucial, as it often implies that you may lack (through no fault of your own) non-work related avenues of social interaction and therefore might be more tempted to pursue workplace avenues. Yet you are also bugged (and rightly so) by the fact that this is not college. This is your career, and therefore you want and need to maintain a proper level of professionalism. You certainly don't want to be seen as the girl who has flirted her way up the ladder.
But I know what you're thinking...dating a co-worker is quite tempting! It's very hard to meet people that you like, have something in common with, and with whom you want to build a connection. You never meet anyone cool in bars. Friends of friends are never your type. With a co-worker you have the immediate benefit of an introduction and something already in common, since your career paths and and aspirations are at least similar enough so that you both ended up at the same job at the same time. On the other hand, this is not college where if a drunken night out turns into an unintended sleepover it's no big deal and you and your friends laugh it off in the caf the next morning. Now there are potential repercussions.
I hope I've done well in trying to present both sides of the dilemma. I'll leave you with two bits of advice, which is all my brain can muster.
1) Don't pursue a co-worker unless you are really serious about him/her. I'm not one to question love, but I am one to question judgement. Ask yourself if this person is really worth the trouble (and let's just get it out there - the potential fallout) and proceed from there. Be 100% sure of yourself and aware of the consequences before moving to step 2.
2) If you are going to pursue a co-worker, do it the proper grown-up way. This does not mean drunkenly throwing yourself at someone at a company gathering. It means going through the emabrassing and silly ritual of asking a person out on a date and hoping that they will say yes. Quite frankly, it's the professional way to act, which is how you need to behave in the workplace. If the person says no, then at least you acted professional and the object of your affection will see and appreciate that. You will be seen as an adult, not the town hussy. It will be easier to have your work taken seriously by others. Your intentions will have been out in the open, and therefore the repercussions will be less. If they say yes, well, that's another post altogether.
Apologies for writing a paragraph with three exclamation points.
Ms. Kobes has solicited advice on whether it is prudent to treat one's workplace as a personal dating service. Having never been involved in an office romance myself, I must admit that I cannot speak with direct experience, yet I hope that I can still offer something of value.
The second line of your first paragraph sums up the dilemma perfectly. You are in your twenties, more or less fresh out of college, and in many cases, new to the area where you currently work. This last point is crucial, as it often implies that you may lack (through no fault of your own) non-work related avenues of social interaction and therefore might be more tempted to pursue workplace avenues. Yet you are also bugged (and rightly so) by the fact that this is not college. This is your career, and therefore you want and need to maintain a proper level of professionalism. You certainly don't want to be seen as the girl who has flirted her way up the ladder.
But I know what you're thinking...dating a co-worker is quite tempting! It's very hard to meet people that you like, have something in common with, and with whom you want to build a connection. You never meet anyone cool in bars. Friends of friends are never your type. With a co-worker you have the immediate benefit of an introduction and something already in common, since your career paths and and aspirations are at least similar enough so that you both ended up at the same job at the same time. On the other hand, this is not college where if a drunken night out turns into an unintended sleepover it's no big deal and you and your friends laugh it off in the caf the next morning. Now there are potential repercussions.
I hope I've done well in trying to present both sides of the dilemma. I'll leave you with two bits of advice, which is all my brain can muster.
1) Don't pursue a co-worker unless you are really serious about him/her. I'm not one to question love, but I am one to question judgement. Ask yourself if this person is really worth the trouble (and let's just get it out there - the potential fallout) and proceed from there. Be 100% sure of yourself and aware of the consequences before moving to step 2.
2) If you are going to pursue a co-worker, do it the proper grown-up way. This does not mean drunkenly throwing yourself at someone at a company gathering. It means going through the emabrassing and silly ritual of asking a person out on a date and hoping that they will say yes. Quite frankly, it's the professional way to act, which is how you need to behave in the workplace. If the person says no, then at least you acted professional and the object of your affection will see and appreciate that. You will be seen as an adult, not the town hussy. It will be easier to have your work taken seriously by others. Your intentions will have been out in the open, and therefore the repercussions will be less. If they say yes, well, that's another post altogether.
posted by Mr Beerman at 6:46 AM
1 Comments:
an excellent response, mr. beerman. one day i hope to shake the hand of the man who articulated my dilemma so perfectly. (aka you.)
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